Addiction

Such a dirty word with its implied connotation of weakness, something you should be able to talk yourself out of, but I find that I am addicted.

It was insidious, just a few to pass the time till dinner or before I went to bed but nothing serious and then I found myself sneaking a few at work when I was stressed and wanted to just relax and not think for a while.

I should have seen the signs then since they frown upon that kind of activity at work but it was just innocent after all.  Now it has become a habit and I think about it constantly though I am certain I have a handle on it because it isn’t affecting my work or my health – it’s harmless, right?

I even have my husband hooked and I know a few good friends who have confessed they are addicted as well.  I can’t believe that we don’t have the discipline to stop as we are so conservative and normal in every other aspect of our life.

I am embarrassed about seeing an addiction counselor afraid they will laugh at us and tell us to grow up and become responsible adults which we are – have no debt other than our mortgage and would have had that paid off had we not done some travelling but you have to have some fun in life after all; besides travelling is very educational and such a great adventure – memories that will last a lifetime or Alzheimer’s erases them all.  Besides the mortgage would be quite manageable even if only one of us was working.

Henry Birk and Sons Clock

I do find that I am now turning to it more and more when I’m not watching TV or absorbed in a good book, both of which take my attention away from it but sooner or later I will lift the lid of my computer and click on the icon and up it comes and I am relaxed and ready for beating the clock.  That’s what it boils down to – not solving the game of  FREE CELL but trying to get it down to under a minute to make all your moves and without having to backtrack so the game doesn’t count against you.  What hurts, deeply, is that my husband is far better at it than I since his best score is 1.05 seconds ( he has informed me that it is 59 seconds now) and I can’t manage to get finished in under 2 minutes.  Makes me sorry I showed him how to play in the first place.

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